That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
