i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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