I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
