How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
