Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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