totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
