You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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