All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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