Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
