so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
