id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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