it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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