i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
