happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she peed on how many people?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
