She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
