my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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