There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
