Hey man sorry I got all grabby
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's never too late to be topless.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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