you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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