yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
