forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
