I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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