plz talk dirty to me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
