All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
