tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
