I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
