Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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