how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she peed on how many people?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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