My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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