Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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