wanna go halves on a baby?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
