my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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