I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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