So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
