I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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