I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
