Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
