whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
