This house was built for laser tag.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
