Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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