Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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