it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
