I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
