apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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