My nipple is on Facebook.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
40s are totally the cure
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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