If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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