think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
