I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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