I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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