I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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